BUILDING UP YOUR PARTNER THROUGH ENCOURAGING WORDS

BUILDING UP YOUR PARTNER THROUGH ENCOURAGING WORDS

Are you offering encouragement to your partner, or are you giving out discouragement or even indifference? This is an important question to reflect on prayerfully. Years ago, former U.S. President John F. Kennedy famously said, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” If we apply that same mindset to marriage, we might discover something powerful. In other words: “Ask not what your partner can do for you; ask what you can do for your partner.” The heart of the matter is choosing to build up your partner every day. Encouragement has the power to create fresh beginnings and renew the way you both approach your relationship.

Offering Encouragement to Your Spouse

When we think about marriage and the role we play in our partner’s life, a few meaningful quotes come to mind:

• “We survive on encouragement, and without it we slowly, sadly, and angrily fade away.” — Celeste Holm

• Researcher Nick Stinnett says healthy families are filled with encouragers—people who search for the “diamonds” in one another. Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott add that we should praise our partner in both the small, everyday moments and in the things that matter most to them. They remind us to focus on who our partner is, not just what they do. This aligns with the biblical call: “Encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

At the heart of the matter is this truth:

• Whether someone is a top executive or a night custodian, everyone needs encouragement. It is the oil that keeps our souls from wearing down and breaking apart.

Today, a lack of encouragement is almost everywhere. It makes people dread work, causes children to dislike school, and sadly, pushes some individuals to want to leave their marriages. So, what empowers us to offer this essential encouragement to our spouse? It’s grace. Grace reduces tension, softens interactions, and keeps the “gears” of the relationship moving smoothly. As Dr. Chuck Swindoll says, grace is the lubricant that eases the friction in marriage.

Be a Blessing to Your partner

To keep your relationship healthy and full of grace, look for small, intentional ways to uplift your partner. Even simple acts of encouragement can keep your relationship running smoothly. America’s Family Coaches give a beautiful reminder:

When you’re unsure how to support or uplift your partner, look to the greatest encourager—Jesus. Let His sacrificial, steady, and accepting love guide the way you love your partner. Absolutely—this is the heart of it. Continually:

Ask God to help you work alongside Him in building up the person you’ve chosen to share your life with. When we focus on what we can give, we spend less time dwelling on disappointments. And as we do, we slowly grow to resemble the One who loved us so generously, selflessly, and sacrificially. — Gary Thomas

You can even ask your loved one, “What can I do that would bless you today? I want to bless you because you are a blessing in my life.” And if your partner hasn’t been a blessing to you lately, we’re genuinely sorry. We pray they awaken to the importance of investing in your relationship. As you continue this journey, may God strengthen and encourage your heart. Remember: whatever you do for your partner or spouse, you also do unto Christ. Each act of kindness is a seed planted—one that brings joy to God and nurtures the health of your relationship.

As you look for meaningful ways to encourage your partner, remember this teaching:

If you have received any encouragement from being connected to Christ — any comfort from His love, any fellowship with the Spirit, any tenderness and compassion — then be united in purpose. Don’t act out of pride or selfish ambition. Instead, in humility, value others above yourselves. Don’t focus only on your own interests, but also on the needs of those around you.

Scripture also instructs us to model our attitudes after Christ. Jesus “emptied Himself,” “humbled Himself,” and took on “the nature of a servant” (Philippians 2:1–4).

We are further challenged: “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord and not people, knowing that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good they do” (Ephesians 6:7–8).

Galatians 5:13 reminds us: “Serve one another in love.”

And Jesus Himself said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34–35)

Finally, Scripture urges: “Encourage and build each other up, just as you are already doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Our Prayer

Lord, help us to become true encouragers — to pour out Your love on our spouse. Show us how to bless rather than discourage, to serve instead of waiting to be served. You have already shown us what this looks like through Your own example. Shape us into people who extend grace and love, especially within our marriages. And as we do, may Your presence shine more clearly through us. Let our kindness at home become a testimony that draws others toward You, one loving act at a time (Cindy and Steve Wright).

Love your spouse the way Christ loves you—sacrificially, consistently, and graciously. Encourage them, uplift them, and bless them. In doing so, you reflect God’s heart and build a relationship or marriage that shines with His love.

At Giving Hope Counselling Services, we help couples rediscover the power of encouragement and emotional support in their relationships or marriages. If you and your partner feel disconnected, unappreciated, or weighed down by discouragement, we will guide you with proven, faith-aligned strategies that rebuild trust, strengthen emotional intimacy, and restore warmth in your relationship. Through personalized sessions, we teach couples how to speak life into each other, express grace, and create a home atmosphere where love, respect, and affirmation flow freely. Let us walk with you as you learn to build each other up again—one intentional act of encouragement at a time.

Call/WhatsApp us at *+254733932470* |*+254733932470* to book a counselling session. Also visit the blog on our website www.givinghope.co.ke for more comprehensive articles on mental health, relationships and Marriages.

*Peter Mugi Kuruga*

*Counselling Psychologist* | *Marriage and Family Therapist*

*Court Annexed Mediator*